Since the episode of that impulsive, consensual, silent submission
drawn by a kiss
I had struggledd with my inhibitions
But remained silent, unresisting,
Withstanding.
I had fallen for you in my nightmarest way-
I had unsealed my mystery...
Surrendered
Not for the sensation of your touch
that made my body tremble
Not for your breath
that warmed my skin
Not for your tongue
that brought no thoughts...
only feelings.
You were 'different'
I simply, without fully knowing why,
never felt comfortable enough
with anyone else
as i did with you:
to ever wane my always
self-preserving super-shield.
Strange
but true.
I must have really liked you.

I'd spend unexplained nights
away from home.Unexplained, away for you
And yet you'd only sit
behind your (was it?) Dell-liquid-crystal-fifteen-inch-screen
MSN messengering
And i'd pretend to watch the dull t.v.
But spent the while futily willing you away
But you'd move only
to exit the room
for your often foreign phone conversations
for seemingly hours
And i'd stifle my inhibitions
And try not to be sour.
And soon ceased
our duo in the shower
and shared kisses
under steamy, adorning water.
I first noticed the distancing
that initial moment i stood on the opposite side
of the closed bathroom door-
Uninvited.
But you'd still perform
As i willingly but apprehensively
gave my soul away.
I was mindful that you rated yourself
by my expressions or reactions
But because i still clung to religious convictions
I thought only of consequence.
I hope you didn't think this
the reason i was there.
How wrong you'd be.
Strange, but true...
I was there because i really liked you.

We'd cuddle,
spoon until we were both asleep.
And somewhen, you'd release me
And i'm left cold
And you'd hug the sheet
I'd awaken.
And in those moments
as you still slept
i'd remain
alert,
sleepless,
calculating,
unknowing;
in wonderance
of what all this mean for us-
I'd wait.
I'd stay awake
for the coming dawn...
the only time i admired the sun-
Just to watch you
transcend your stages of sleep.
You slumbered
like a still-life painting
Illuminated by the first slices
of morning light.
I'd stare at your annoying beauty
As you whispered your breath
Maybe again i'd fall asleep
with vain hopes that you dreamt of me.
Strange?...
So true...
I must have liked you.

I miss teasing you
about your healthy snacks
or all-nutricious, refrigerated or on-the-go
choices of meals.
I miss you wrapping me
in your still-cute childhood towel
with its dull, deep and lightened tones of blue...
My favourite colour...
Did you know that?
And i miss cool, salsa accent
and amused almost-smile
As you said for the seventh-hundred time
and counting,
"You're a strange girl..."
*Sigh* That's how you knew me.
I miss your freckled, vanilla skin.
I miss your small, smiley, honey-roasted eyes.
I miss your smooth, jet hair.
And your tropical-punch-kool-ade-pale-pink-
taste-most-like-watermelon lips.
I still miss your kiss...
The taste that fooled me.
Strange
AND silly...
I really thought you liked me.

*END*

tracended and yet so full of truth i enjoy the fresh air thank you